xmausoleumbatx

 hiya. it's moon_dahliaX. yesterday i had to run out of the house in a hurricane of emotions, after my boyfriend was....well, not himself again. he nearly missed me when throwing a glass at the wall. between sobs, he told me to run away.....run away from him....and i did......crying so much as i went down the street, not knowing where to go....i ended up walking to the cemetery again, my usual refuge..and there was that lady i talk to sometimes, the one killed by her husband. she saw me crying and came to comfort me, and we had a long conversation.....i told her what was going on at home. i don't think i ever told anyone, i just talked about accidents, and spiritual problems, but i never went into detail. she made me think about a lot of things......maybe i really can't fix this. maybe it's not my responsability to fix him. yes, i love him, but.....you can't be with someone who has hurt you, will hurt you....and clearly, i'm not the one who can solve what is goi...

 hiya. since the last post, i haven't been able to make much progress.....in fact, i often feel i'm not doing any at all, if i'm not going backwards.....the spirit has been turning my boyfriend violent. he lets out these horrible screams in the middle of the night....he bangs doors, throws things at the walls..then when he comes back to himself he just cries, and cries. who is doing this to my prince.....? this cat.....i've been reading so much on spirits of animals but i can't find answers! they aren't strong enough to possess people. so it can't be the cat....right? ugh, i wish i could at least see it! why can't i see it?? i'm so tired.....my new vision makes my head hurt, i'm scared of being hurt when i'm at home and the spirit takes over him again, i've lost nights of sleep trying to find answers, only not to find anything......nothing.....i'm at such a loss.....i feel almost like a failure as a medium. the one person i should be ...

hiya....it's been a while. for good reason, probably. i was at the hospital....yeah, i ended up losing the vision in one of my eyes. a spiritual accident....it was hard. really, really hard. i'm conflicted, and confused, and adapting to my new vision has been really hard.....keeping balance when my sense of depth is gone....i try to cover it with my fringe when i can so people don't ask too many questions. but hopefully it doesn't look all that bad....here is a picture of how i look now. :(  i....don't know why, but a spirit hurt me, and it's hurting my boyfriend. it's hurting us. what is going on? i wish so badly to understand....i had to rest for a bit after the accident but i'm back to reading all i can, looking into purification rituals, anything, really, anything........i'm terrified of not being a good enough medium to solve this. not being able to protect us. i have to be good enough....

 hiya! i wanted to give an update on the situation with ravenskullprince.....it's not really gotten better. he was putting off seeing a psychiatrist even if i told him to....i think he is really scared of thinking he might be crazy :( but of course i would never see him as crazy, never judge him....i think he was just judged a lot in his life by other people. but anyways, that's not the point; the point is.....i think it might be actually spiritual, more and more... he told me he sees this cat in dreams, and now in real life, hears it, especially when he is working on the road....that doesn't sound like a hallucination to me. that sounds like a spirit! a persecutor, trying to scare him, not leaving him alone, harming him.....sometimes they have a bone to pick with us from a past life, even many past lives ago, but it's hard to understand it when it's a cat......and, besides, i cant really see it myself, and that's a big problem....i feel so stuck on how to help!...

 hiya! moon_dahliaX here. i have to admit i'm really worried about my boyfriend...he seemed more anxious than.....well, normal, and i tried to pry what was going on out of him....and he confided in me he is seeing and hearing things. cats, noises? it's a bit confusing as he tells me, but it really makes me wonder what is going on. is it spiritual....? or psychological? to be safe, i've done a few passes on him, but i also want him to talk to a professional, you know. what if it's not me that can help him? it seems to be really wearing on him, my baby is so paranoid......well, i will still do all i can to help him in the spiritual sense. a medium must tend to the living as well..

 hiya! moon_dahliaX here. i've been reading this great book by alma matilde....it's called spirits of places! the book really goes deep into talking about how it's not just people that have souls in the spirirtual world.....animals have souls, objects have souls....and places, too, have souls. and just like people, they can be nice, happy, taken care of.......houses that thrive with nice families inside, abandoned houses, long carrying the weight of their loneliness.....parks, gardens, blossoming with the spirit of the life they carry in them......and places of tragedy, often turning sour, just like human persecutors - fed by violence, pain, misery.....they grow angrier, stronger, until you can almost feel them just by stepping inside......the dark atmosphere. it was a really, really interesting read! i hope our house is happy.....well, it's me and my boyfriend who live in it, and we have nothing but love between us, so i hope it's enough to keep it well!

 hiya! it's moon_dahliaX. i was at the graveyard on tuesday as usual, tending to some of the headstones, cleaning the leaves, putting up new flowers....all of it makes the spirits stuck there a bit happier - when i saw this lady sitting down on her own grave. she was young, dark skin, dark hair in braids, died in the 80s.....that's a long time to be stuck in the cemetery. we had a nice talk about......everything, really. family, romance, death......it's indelicate to ask how someone died so i refrained, but she revealed it on her own.....her husband murdered her. he couldn't accept the end of the relationship. it's always sad to hear of feminicide. it's so unfair, to die just because you're a woman....it really moved me. and now she is the one stuck, unable to move on because of her anger, so strong it keeps her tethered to this world. i really feel for her. i tried to guide her towards a spiritual hub with people who could help, but it seems she thinks she ...

 hiya! more updates on my spirits study.  there is a downside to getting so involved with your mediunity.....you have to start putting down limits to the spirits, or they will start talking to you all the time, appearing for you, possessing you......yes, possessing! i've found out that whenever i drink, it breaks down my barriers and they are able to come in....afterwards i'm not only hungover but spiritually exhausted. i never remember a lot and that's pretty scary! i had to stop drinking :( which is hard when you're also in a band, haha.  i've had some passes done on me, purifications, but it's hard to keep them out for good. i get that they want to put messages foward though, i understand. i just can't take all of these demands!  hopefully i learn how to navigate this better as i mature as a medium......i try to play tough but all of this has been draining my energy, it's true. there is still college to pay mind to! if only of the spirits wanted to do...

 yes, he works at a road!! we can always take the prettiest night pictures. though it's too windy sometimes, haha..this is just a kind of dumb looking one he took of me. but i think blurry pics have their charm too. :)

 hiya! today i'm going to delve into darker territory.... as i start deepening my contact with the spirits i've ran into some not very nice ones. i was alone at the cemetry yesterday when these extremely tall men started showing up, jumping towards my face with screams and disappearing.....they get a kick out of scaring me! i've been learning they can tell when you're a medium, and some of them are angry, frustrated, they take it out on you... it's unfortunate because i really want to help them still, even if they just want to come after me. i've told my mom, she tells me i'm too kind for my own good sometimes. haha, maybe.......but i truly just want to be a good medium....i want to help even persecutors who want to harm me. make them calmer, make them understand.....maybe i'm too much of a an optimist, but it can be possible, right?? i think anyone can be saved, if i just put in enough effort and understanding, you know..

 

 hiya! something incredible happened.... i have been psychographing a few letter since the last post. it felt weird, like i was in a trance......i closed my eyes and i could just feel what the spirit wanted me to write. one letter was from a passed son to her mother......the other, from a friend who died in a car accident to the one who survived. to be able to get these important messages through...it felt nice, really nice....and then! my boyfriend lost his dad a loong time ago unfortunately, but yesterday i felt a message coming through me when we were at home....i sat him down, asked for a piece of paper, and there my hand went....it was his father! seemed it was the anniversary of his passing. oh, he cried so much as he read it....i couldn't help but cry too. though afterwards i went straight to sleep :P i was suddenly sooo tried...... this is why i think i must carry on....if i have this gift, this is what i want to use it for. to make people reconnect, to give the dead a chan...

 we had so much fun after our gig!! (if you don't know it, i play in a band with my boyfriend <3) in the picture there is me on the left, then ravenskullprince and our friend kami. she didn't want me to post this picture because she looked really drunk lol......but i think she looks cute either way. 

 hiya! moon_dahliaX here. i've been up to a lot spiritually, following up on my quest to refine those mediunic abilities....i was at a spirit centre! a nice old lady has been guiding me to make my first passes....she has told me the connection i have to the other side is true and extremely strong, and i really should invest my time into understanding it, controlling it......seems there is a lot of work ahead - but i'm up for it :) we want to try psychgraphing a first letter - if you don't know, that is when a spirit writes a message down through you. i'm curious to see how that will feel. one thing is seeing them, hearing them....another is having them enter your body! i'll be giving more updates as i continue. :)

 hiya! i'm moon_dahliaX and this is my first ever written post on my blog. i'm going to talk about spirits and the other side a lot in here, so why no start off with a story on that? i'm very familiar by now with all these souls. when i was a kid, they almost tormented me! i would see them in bus stops, in my house, at school....there was a man in a suit and hat that i always saw sat down at the same bar whenever i walked around the corner...i was curious, but really scared! my family isn't religious or spiritual at all so they thought it was just the imagination of a little girl running wild.....it took until my teens for me to understand them as they were - spirits! when i was 10, i must have been at school bathroom when i heard a short laugh....i was terrified, because i was alone and to top it off there are many urban legends involving school bathrooms! but the laughing voice just said she liked my shoes xD. so that was a kind spirit, wasn't it?? and yes, of cou...